I haven’t published much on the blog of late, and since the semester is over, I am taking it back. You’ll hear from me, not my students, and the pace of things should pick up quite soon. Although the pace of things could not slow down much more than it has already, so it’s a low bar to clear.
Congratulations, Jessie and Buck. More evidence that this column will persist even as the American Era comes to a sweet, languorous end.
We love our UPS driver, Frank. Since we moved to NYC, while most services that we dealt with were kind of a hassle, our UPS service was wonderful. I was thinking this all week, especially with the extra holiday traffic. UPS does its shit well.
But this past week I went to change a delivery date, since I knew I wasn’t going to be around when the package would be delivered. And UPS now is charging $4 online (or $6 to talk to a friendly customer service person!) to have them delay delivery for one day. Apparently, this new fee kicked in sometime in July of this year.
Ticky-tack fees for your customers make money for companies, but it is the biggest for-shit customer service ploy you can pull. So today I want to officially mark the day when UPS went from being a wonderful customer experience to being one step closer to the airline industry. For $4. Kudos to you, fucking UPS. Kudos to you.
Another Thanksgiving in the books, and this year there is lots to be thankful for. And not:
The flights. Generally ok, though we got caught by Thanksgiving rush/weather craziness over Charlotte, NC (we left on Thurs at dawn, due to insane price-gouging on Wed-Sun airline ticket pricing). Apparently, it was nice up the entire Eastern Seaboard, but fog over Charlotte shut down that airport. We diverted to Greenville/Spartenburg, SC, and sat on the runway while they refueled us. Three and a half hours later than expected, we arrived at the Levin family gathering. Completely stressed out, though in time for dinner. But just.
The airline fees. I know this has been noted many many times, but the ticky-tack price fees that airlines charge are just hard to fathom. What a short-term fix for a long-term structural problem. In the case of USAirways, $20 per bag. $25 if you don’t check it online. And on their helpful pre-check-in online, they tried to charge us $10 each to choose a seat assignment. Not a great one, mind you. Any seat assignment. When I declined at multiple points (Wanna seat? $10. What about now? $10), the system finally gave up and assigned us the exit row seat that it had tried moments earlier to sell us for $20 each. Niiice.
The food. Delicious. Nuff said, thanks mom! I contributed Grandma Sylvia’s famous Mondel bread, the Jewish biscotti. Ask me for the recipe sometime, it’s delicious.
The kin-work. For the most part good, I had an opportunity to spend quality time with two brothers and a parent (out of 3 brothers, and 2 parents). The usually drunk-at-Thanksgiving brother got drunk the night after, but didn’t get thrown out of a bar or into any fights with sister-in-law. On the other hand, the family tradition of the kids going out for a long, late drink and bonding session didn’t happen this year. Alas.
The fat. (plate of Thanksgiving dinner + matzo ball soup + salad + pumpkin pie + chocolate chip cookies) + (hotel breakfast + more cookies + soup + giant, needlessly sauced up fish + ice cream) – 5-mile run – 2 hours tennis + (hotel breakfast + more cookies + soup + fajitas + ice cream) – basketball + beer = 3-4 pounds gained.
The prison toilet. My mother, bless her soul, purchased a sleek, modern, gorgeous, stainless steel toilet for the guest bathroom at their house. Excuse the imagery here, but there is no possible way to stand up and pee in that toilet without noticeably splashing the bowl. With father + 4 male children + 3 male grandchildren, this is something that is a massively funny joke to 8 of us and completely over the head of my mother.
Back and back to work. Hope all yours were as good or better than mine.
I don’t always love 30 Rock, but this week’s episode hit exactly the perfect New York spot (apologies in advance for the advertisement):
[sorry, hulu just does not play nice embedded]
For people who don’t live in NYC, the joke is about Alec Baldwin having bedbugs and finding himself an outcast, finally reduced to asking for help on the subway. Which was kind of funny.
But what makes it brilliant is this ending. Like almost every New Yorker not named Michael Bloomberg, I get asked for money pretty much everyday. If not everyday, every few days. I can say that in 6 years of living here, I’ve never gone a full week without someone on the subway or street, performing, begging, shouting, but somehow asking me for money. Dealing personally (do you ignore? give food? give money? get involved?) with dramatic inequality and homelessness is simply part of living in an urban environment.
And in the constellation of homeless people on the subway, these guys are absolutely perfect. They are real guys, and this is indeed the song they sing all the time. You cannot help but smile when these guys are singing, and somehow this hits the incredibly sweet spot at the intersection of parody, comedy, and reality. When Baldwin takes a swig and gets out the bag, it is just so damn funny. Thank you for this, 30 Rock writers!
Awesome tribute to our first Secretary of the Treasury. Compares favorably to 99 Problems but a Bitch ain’t One:
Geek rap is so sexy. h/t James Fallows.
The Stoakes-Whibley Natural Index of Supernatural Collective Nouns. I can’t decide if I like better a vexation of zombies or an itself of Yahwehs. Or a percussion of giants. Or a nervousness of AIs. Delightful, delightful, delightful.
It’s that time of year again, when I first got freaked out about emergency preparedness by watching 28 Days Later. And it’s the time when I review and renew my emergency go kit. For peace of mind, this is the fanny pack that you can walk out of your house in 10 seconds with. It comes from Jim Macdonald’s post over at Making Light. He also has pages for other kinds of emergencies, including a highly useful flu kit.
In any case, enjoy, and hopefully you’ll never need it: Emergency Go Bag Inventory